The Men We Loved More Than They Loved Us

There is a specific kind of relationship that almost every woman has experienced at least once. The one where you are giving everything, explaining yourself a little too much, and quietly hoping that if you just try harder, things will finally click.

This week on Casting It Out, we talked about the men we loved more than they loved us back. Not in a bitter way. Not even in a dramatic way. Just honestly.

We talked about the relationships where the cracks were obvious from the beginning, but we ignored them anyway. The ones where we begged for things to work even when deep down we knew they probably would not. The times we let men treat us badly and somehow convinced ourselves it was our fault.

When Staying Felt Easier Than Leaving

One of the hardest parts of these relationships is how slowly they turn. Rarely does it start off terrible. It starts with potential. With hope. With just enough good moments to make you doubt your own instincts.

So you stay. You explain away bad behavior. You tell yourself you are being understanding, patient, low maintenance. You take on emotional labor that was never meant to be yours. And when things start to fall apart, you blame yourself for not being enough.

We talked about how easy it is to internalize someone else’s inability to show up. How quickly “this isn’t working” turns into “what am I doing wrong?”

The Embarrassment We Do Not Talk About Enough

There is a very specific kind of humiliation that comes from letting a man meet your friends, only for him to immediately abandon ship.

You hype him up. Your friends are excited for you. You feel like this is finally something real. And then he disappears, pulls away, or suddenly decides he is not ready for what he was actively participating in.

That embarrassment sticks. Not because you did anything wrong, but because it feels so personal. Like you vouched for someone who could not even be bothered to stay consistent.

The Aftermath Phases

After relationships like that, a lot of us swing hard in the opposite direction.

The man hating phase. Where dating feels pointless and every man feels like a liability.

Then sometimes the pick me phase. Where we overcorrect. Where we try to be chill, unbothered, low expectations, not like other girls. Where we convince ourselves that wanting consistency or commitment is asking for too much. Neither extreme feels good. Both come from the same place. Hurt.

Growth Does Not Mean You Were Weak

One of the most important things we talked about is this. Loving deeply did not make us weak. Staying did not make us stupid. Wanting things to work did not make us desperate.

It made us human.

Growth is not about shaming past versions of yourself. It is about recognizing patterns and choosing differently next time. It is about learning what you will no longer tolerate and trusting yourself enough to walk away when something feels off.

We talked about how our standards changed. How our tolerance shrank. How we learned that love does not require begging, convincing, or constant self sacrifice.

What We Know Now

Healthy relationships do not leave you constantly questioning your worth. They do not make you feel small, anxious, or embarrassed to want more. You should not have to earn basic respect or consistency.

If you are in a relationship where you are doing all the emotional heavy lifting, explaining away bad behavior, or blaming yourself for someone else’s lack of effort, it is worth asking why. Not with judgment. With honesty.

You Are Not Alone

This episode is not about blaming men or blaming ourselves. It is about telling the truth about experiences so many women share quietly.

If you have ever stayed too long, begged someone to love you, ignored red flags, or shrank yourself to keep a relationship alive, you are not alone. And you are not broken.

You are learning.

Listen to this week’s episode of Casting It Out wherever you get your podcasts, and if this story sounds familiar, take a breath. Growth is allowed to be messy.