Making Friends as an Adult: Why It Feels Weird and How We’re Figuring It Out

When we were kids, making friends felt effortless. You sat next to someone in class, shared your favorite snack at lunch, or bonded over the same sparkly gel pen and suddenly you had a best friend. There wasn’t pressure. There weren’t expectations. You didn’t worry about being too much or not enough. You just existed next to people who existed with you.

But somewhere along the way, between growing up, moving states, changing schools, starting jobs, leaving jobs, and trying to become better versions of ourselves, friendship got a whole lot more complicated.

In Episode 4 of Casting It Out, we talk about how friendship has changed for us at every stage of life, how we’ve struggled to make connections as adults, and what we’ve learned about letting people in when it feels like everyone already has their group chat established.

Growing Up and Growing Apart

We both had very different childhood and teenage friendship experiences, but the theme was the same. Who we were as kids shaped how we seek out people now.

We talk about:

• The friends who came with us through early milestones

• The ones who faded out as we changed

• The awkward transitions where you feel like you’re supposed to have everything figured out

• The moments that remind you that you are starting from scratch again

As adults, we’ve realized that even when friendships end, they taught us something about who we want to be and who we want to surround ourselves with.

Why Making Adult Friends Is So Weird

There is something deeply uncomfortable about approaching friendship when you are grown. You are more self-aware, more guarded, and more worried about coming across too eager or too distant. Unlike school, there is no built-in group of people your age with the same schedule and the same shared experiences.

We also talk about the stage of adulthood where you are trying to find people who get you while juggling careers, relationships, mental health, physical exhaustion, and the overwhelming desire to go home and get into sweatpants.

Modern Friendship: Apps, Community, and Putting Yourself Out There

Yes, we did the thing many women quietly do but rarely admit. We tried Bumble BFF.

We share the awkwardness, the good connections, and the absolutely not experiences.But also, the truth. Sometimes it really does work. Sometimes you meet someone online who becomes part of your real life.

We also talk about:

• Joining local groups and communities

• Going to events alone

• Hobbies that accidentally introduced us to lifelong friends

• The friendships that show up when you are not looking

Friendship as an adult takes effort. It takes vulnerability. And sometimes it takes messaging that one person you have followed for months and saying, "Do you want to get coffee?"

Who We Were vs. Who We Are Now

One of the biggest themes in this episode is how wildly different we are now compared to who we were when we first learned how to be friends. We have grown, healed, outgrown old patterns, and learned to show up more authentically.

That means the way we form friendships looks different too. We are not trying to collect people. We are trying to connect with people. There is a big difference.

Why Adult Friendships Matter

Even though it is harder, adult friendships feel deeper. They are built on shared values, intentional choices, and the understanding that we are all navigating the same messy human experience.

We are learning to show up for people in healthier ways. We are learning to ask for what we need. We are learning to let friendships be flexible instead of perfect.

And we are learning that there is no expiration date on finding your people.

Listen to the Full Episode

If you have ever wondered why making friends as an adult feels like dating without the romance, or why you suddenly feel hyper-aware of how you introduce yourself, this episode is for you.

Listen now: castingitout.com/episodes